return my video game
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
