I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
