so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Randomize
