It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
