everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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