i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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