sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
