You just made me feel so damn special
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
