I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
