As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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