Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
