I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
