What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
