I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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