I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
