I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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