MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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