Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
