i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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