my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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