god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
