that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
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