This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize