i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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