Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
