Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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