P.S. I can't hear my feet
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
