Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
