I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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