my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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