Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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