Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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