____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
