He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
