i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
