Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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