**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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