elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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