You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
