it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
