I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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