Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
she smelled like a LAN party
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
