waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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