Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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