take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
