Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
