I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
