I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
