so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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