when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
