Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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