We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
