he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
