Plan B is the new Plan A
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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