I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
