Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
