The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
