i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
