i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Dicks are not precious.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
