you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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