I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
