I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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