You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
