His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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