Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
