Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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