Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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