I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
